Do you still have your period?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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