i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
