Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+77): View more from

her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.

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(607): View more from New York

When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.

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(646): View more from New York

Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE

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(773): View more from Illinois

death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life

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