Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
