ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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