just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sext me about skeletons
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
