I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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