I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
