There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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