Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
