I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
