So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
