I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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