Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
