It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
