it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
