Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She bit a glass in half.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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