yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
