I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
