I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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