i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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