no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
