Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
