She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
