i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
