just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
