How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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