you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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