If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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