I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
