Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
