I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
