Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
