so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so let's talk penis.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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