So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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