RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
