my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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