Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
