quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
