My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He felt like a one man threesome
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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