do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drake has all the answers
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
