just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
