Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
