just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
