I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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