I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
