we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
