I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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