this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
