So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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