Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I will pee on everything he values.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
